Wish Fulfillment For The Not Quite Dead
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Jeff and Annie have coffee after seeing a death-themed art show by Britta's new boyfriend. After the expected mocking, they wind up sharing their private thoughts and attitudes about death, and about what they'd wish for – or who – in their final moments.


**Based on a Milady/Milord fic prompt by fangirl_101**

Five minutes after placing his order at the coffee shop, Jeff returned with his and Annie's drinks. As per usual, Annie sat up straight and accepted her cup with a heartfelt smile.

"Now there's no tini's at the end of this, but maybe you'll like it anyway," Jeff commented, to which Annie rolled her eyes and still smiled, as per usual.

"I'll try," Annie promised as Jeff sat down at the other side of the table. Once she took a sip and seemed to keep her promise, Jeff moved onto more pressing matters.

"You'll notice that no one we know is here. And we're too far away to bother everyone else. And I didn't do anything offensive at the gallery, and I limited my golden digs at Britta's new man to two. I didn't go to three out of respect for Britta, so you know how much I suffered tonight," Jeff said seriously.

"Okay, I get some of that," Annie went along.

"Good. Then you know after all that, I have every right not to hold this in anymore," Jeff laid out. Before Annie had any time to object, in spite of the facts, Jeff let out the mocking laugh he'd held in all night.

"Come on, he wasn't that bad!" Annie still objected out of habit. "Britta likes him, anyway. And this is far from the worst tortured artist guy she's been with! And his painting about death was….good!" The pause didn't escape Jeff.

"Okay, the 20 percent without lightning striking clown cars looked fine. If he asked, I would have said 100 percent of that 20 percent was cool. But he was too busy raging against the mainstream art machine, so I saved some dignity after all. Good thing one of us did," Jeff said.

"Jeff! He did make a few good points about….the machine," Annie paused a bit again.

"And those points would stick if he wasn't dating Britta?" Jeff pressed on.

"Well….one of two of the good ones might," Annie conceded. "Anyway, everyone else's paintings were really good, even without clown cars on fire. If they thought he was good enough to paint with them, it must say something."

"It says Britta doesn't hold a monopoly on weird judgment. And they say art isn't shocking anymore. Or at least I just imagined they did," Jeff laughed off.

"Still, they put his painting next to the one with all the clocks. And there was that one nearby with the grim reaper graves, and the one with the mass graves in Metropolis. At least that got Troy fired up instead of….other things," Annie stated.

"Abed's rants after that movie still sneak in a few of my nightmares. So I knew it by heart already," Jeff shrugged off.

"We all do," Annie sighed. "That's why you ignored that one. But what about the others?" she started to recall. "Every time I noticed you, you were looking at his painting and trying not to laugh. I didn't see you looking at the other paintings with us."

"Doesn't that say I liked his work after all? There goes your original argument," Jeff nitpicked, taking a longer than usual sip of coffee. "Besides, if I exposed myself to it that much and didn't laugh, don't I get more credit for that?"

"Why take the risk? Unless you really wanted to laugh. And you thought holding back longer would get you out of trouble. Like it did in here with me," Annie accused.

"But I still held out until we were all alone. So I win the right to fast forward this debate to the very end," Jeff argued.

"Jeff, just because you didn't say or do rude things, it doesn't make it right to think them," Annie came back.

"What, I can't think things? Now who's lucky Britta didn't hear them?" Jeff retorted. "Look Annie, the whole thing wasn't my cup of way too expensive coffee, all right?" he argued while taking another sip anyway.

"What isn't? Art? Showing courtesy for someone's hard work? Pretending to be supportive of friends?" Annie predicted.

"Death!" Jeff blurted, fast forwarding to the end of another debate out of frustration. "Looking at that sad excuse for a painting was better than…..looking at those death paintings. At least I _could _laugh about the 22'nd century missing out on my abs! Okay?"

For once, Annie had no comment or flush when Jeff's abs came up - so this really was serious. Then again, willingly talking about stuff like this, abs or not, wasn't something Jeff tended to do twice. But Jeff knew that too.

"Look, I've only been aware of my mortality for three years," Jeff actually revealed. "Actually, it was on the day of you and Britta's….headline making fundraiser." This certainly shut Annie up, since she didn't like thinking about that day and Jeff at the same time – both from what he said and she said about them. But if he actually remembered it….it probably still wasn't pleasant to think about.

"Knowing that my perfect figure will break down in less than a century, not two or three…..who needs to be reminded of that? Other than people who get pennies and buzzkills for it?" Jeff insisted. "That's not 'my scene' and I'm not eager for it to be. Not that what I want, and got a Greek god body for, matters in this case," he conceded.

Jeff figured he played it off perfectly. He opened up a second time to throw Annie off, added his usual jokes and accurate bragging, and did enough so Annie couldn't really ask anything more from him. Now she would have to drop the topic, or else once the whole night was ruined, Jeff could easily pin it on her.

It wasn't the nicest or best way to get out of a serious talk – although he'd certainly used harsher strategies on Annie. But with Annie's track record of forcing out stuff he didn't want to talk about, or face for any reason, this was mild all around by comparison. So he'd come out fine.

"I don't like thinking about death either," Annie opened her mouth anyway. Before Jeff could wonder what evil trick this was, she continued with. "But I still liked the paintings. I liked them because they gave me perspective."

Oh, she was too good for her own good. Leaving it open in a way Jeff would have to ask about….why did he keep thinking he could survive these things with her? Then again, logic and Annie never really went together, as ironic as that was – not when Jeff was added in, at least. In any way.

Annie didn't even wait for Jeff to ask her to go on. "Every time I might get lower than an A or I lose something, I act like I'm gonna die. Well, I mean my GPA was gonna die if we failed that essay, and then I might as well have…..see, there you go!"

She sighed and regrouped with, "But I was never actually going to die. Sometimes it'd be nice to remember that _before _I go berserk. I don't know, seeing those paintings, thinking about _real _death….it makes me think things could always be worse. And it made me thankful they haven't been that bad in a long time. Not for real. I think I could stand to remember that more."

Jeff let himself appreciate the nicer parts of her statement, before the one troubling part became clearer. "They haven't been like that in a long time? So they were before?"

"Just one time out of 100. And that was five years ago," Annie said before she could stop herself. When she saw how Jeff could easily do the math, she looked down by instinct and drank her coffee, while those old memories returned to life on cue.

"But you thought robots were after you at the time, so it doesn't count. Right?" Jeff asked, more forcefully at the end than intended.

Annie wanted to open up to Jeff and show that opening up was okay, even when it came to ugly thoughts. Naturally, this was what was coming out of it. But there was really no choice now.

"No, it was after I started rehab. And my mom forgot I existed because I wouldn't come out," she almost spat out. "After all that….it was kind of hard to think I'd make it. Or that it was worth…." Annie didn't want to finish.

But she wasn't the only one – she couldn't help but hear the hiss of breath across the table. "But that _was _the only time?" she heard Jeff get out.

"Of course it was. Once I really got clean, I got my senses back. All of them," Annie brightened up a little. However, she got down again by adding, "But I was still an unpopular, socially awkward wreck before I met you guys. If that didn't happen…..sometimes I wonder what I'd be thinking then. Only a few times, though."

"That'd better be it," Jeff couldn't stop himself from saying. "You were on your way just by getting clean. There's no way you'd have been that worse off without us."

It took everything Jeff had not to say who would have been worse off, though. Why he still needed to do that…..it got harder to remember by the day. And harder to justify either way.

"Well, we'll never know now, will we?" Annie looked on the bright side. "Either way, death's a long way off for both of us. With all the stuff I still wanna do, it'd better be. So I guess….thinking about it helped remind me I'd better get going."

"Even if you get cut short way too fast?" Jeff asked in spite of himself.

"I can't put the end off forever. But I can give myself all the time I need to do what I want to do. For some of us, 70 or 80 years is just about enough. It's more than I could have had, so it sounds pretty good to me," Annie concluded.

"It really does, doesn't it?" Jeff realized. It shouldn't have surprised him, all things considered. Considering what he was thinking tonight.

"That's why I even came tonight," he let his stupid, way too embarrassing thoughts loose again.

"What?" was all Annie had. Maybe she was tapped out of words, or maybe Jeff was more cryptic and confusing than usual. One or two of those.

Jeff exhaled, once again cornered after Annie made him reveal something humiliating. Not that she was trying to get this out. Whether it was humiliating or not.

"I came to the gallery because I wanted us to get coffee afterwards," Jeff resigned himself to admit. From the sound of it, it probably was humiliating after all. But there was little turning back.

"I figured if the whole death stuff got me down, you and your crazy theories about seeing the good in everything….might give me something else to think about. Something other than dying before I'm 200, anyway," Jeff revealed.

"Jeff…." Annie was amazed, then realized she'd need a few other words. Yet the ones that came to mind were, "Wait, don't you use alcohol for that?"

"Yeah, it's a proven winner. But when I need to feel good about things, _and _be sober enough to enjoy it….it's been coming in second place lately," Jeff shared.

He really didn't want to say in words what was No. 1 – for some reason he'd remember any second now. However, leaving it like that made it clear enough, and they both knew it.

Why shouldn't it be, since it really was true? Especially after Annie thoroughly proved it just now? Her constant, annoying but frustratingly valuable rays of sunshine _were _the perfect antidote to death and mortality. Even if she wasn't all rays and sunshine herself – which Jeff really figured he should remember more often.

Yet for all the pain and near disaster she'd been through – the kind of pain and disaster that undercut the whole "Annie is hopelessly naïve" argument – she came out clean. Jeff already knew that, but he'd never heard her talk about it like that before. She probably never told anyone that kind of stuff before….

….just like Jeff never liked talking about his own annoying fears.

But he didn't feel so afraid of them right now. Annie did that without lecturing him, Disneying him or even talking about what he said. She even kind of made it all about her, which was a little selfish….in the best kind of way.

Yet she also shared the most personal things about herself, just like he had. It was almost like she was making sure he wasn't alone. Without even talking about his problems directly – the thing she knew Jeff hated to do – Annie made him feel better by comparison. And safe. And proud. And maybe a bit inspired too.

Like this was the first time she made him feel all that at once.

For her part, Annie felt warm, gooey, terrified and ready for the other shoe to drop – as if that was the first time she felt that at once. To break this wonderful/dreadful moment, she decided to put a bow on this whole topic.

"Okay, we were talking about doing things before we die. At least I was," Annie tried to be light. "Indulge me a little longer, and I swear we won't talk about dying the rest of the night. Deal?"

"Oh yeah, sure, deal," Jeff seemed to snap out of something. But that something wouldn't help Annie's question, so she made herself put it out of mind.

"Let's assume the impossible happens and you die soon," Annie assumed while trying not to actually think about it. "And let's assume that wishes turn out to exist at the same time. If you were dying now, and you got to be a test subject with one dying wish, what would you wish for?"

Jeff fully got back into the game and tried to wrap his mind around this. The fact that he could even try was much more than he could do three years ago. Or even before this coffee date – _get together _– for that matter. "I'm dying now?" he still had to check.

"Well, you'll get a few hours to give your suits a new home," Annie laughed off. "But after that….if you could wish for something you always wanted before you died, what would it be?"

Annie just wanted something to talk about and laugh off, so they could move on with a comfortable note instead of an awkward one. She didn't figure Jeff would give a serious answer, and was prepared to laugh at whatever ridiculous wish he had.

But none of them laughed when he said, "I'd wish I could kiss you one more time."

Yet both of them were left speechless – even the speaker.

"I mean, I, I, I…." Jeff tried to cover up. In the past, he'd have made up a cover story, excused himself, or blamed Annie for tricking him and reading into things like a child. But now he couldn't even come up with a complete excuse/lie.

All that opening up took the lying out of him, and kept him from filtering that answer out. He never would have said that garbage otherwise.

Just wished he had deep deep _deep _down.

Now that he had, he should have felt much worse than he did now. But the more Jeff waited for that, the more he knew it wasn't coming.

Unfortunately, he could tell Annie was another matter. And unfortunately, he suspected it had less to do with his words, and more with how he'd trained her to expect them to get taken back. And how he'd taught her that being mad about it would make her the childish bad guy.

Unfortunately, in this regard, they were on the same page.

Annie scrambled not to move or shiver, as she looked for a graceful way to give them an out. She knew she should just call it a night and take herself home, yet her ultimate solution was, "Okay. Let's try this another way."

"Annie…." Jeff started, feeling the strange need to talk about the thing they actually had to talk about. Yet Annie seemed too resolute – and scared – to let him. So that's how it felt on the other end.

Jeff hated it after five seconds. If that's how Annie felt over three years….

"You're still dying!" Annie yelled too suspiciously, but made herself sound normal again. "This time, it's after you've led a long life. You got everything you wanted and you were the best lawyer in the world. After this perfect life, you still get one dying wish. Even after you got everything you wanted, what's that one more thing you'd wish for at the end?"

Annie nearly wondered why she asked that question – and what she might hope the answer was – before burying it deep down. She made herself figure this would give Jeff the easy, jokey out he prided himself on. And since he worked now, she wouldn't have to face him in study group tomorrow morning – which was maybe the first time she was relieved about that. Or claimed to be.

Jeff knew this was the easy way out too. Yet after all this talk about death, last wishes and doing things, it made the easy solution….murkier. He could do the easy solution until the day he did die – in this century or the next – but he already knew how it would turn out. Not very well, if history said anything.

If this really was a death wish scenario, though….

For the first time, Jeff Winger willingly thought about what would happen if he died soon – and what he would do different as a result. And how it could still work the same if he wasn't dying. How he might just want it to work the same.

How it made him ask, "Are you dead too? Are you nearby? Have we stayed in touch? Have we not? If it's one of those….I don't think I'd change my answer."

This time, Jeff could willingly ignore some things like always – in this case, raising the notion of being with Annie until his dying day. But in this case, he didn't ignore it out of fear, or false superiority over that sort of thing. He ignored it because he had something bigger to do first.

Like fulfill his dying wish a little early.

And make one of Annie's long buried living wishes finally come true too.

Yet when their lips broke apart and they both stopped smiling, Annie shortly asked, "Should I tell you my dying wish now, too?" Jeff insisted she didn't – some things about death were still too unpleasant to think about.

Besides, they probably both needed to change their answer anyway.


End file.
